A wise woman once told me that "there is a perfect plan already set out. We just don't know what it is. Haven't read the end of the book"
Ironically, that same woman's favorite Bible verse is:
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up on wings as eagles;
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
I admit that there have been times that I read the end of the book before I read the middle. I also readily admit that I have read the Cliffs Notes and watched the movie instead of reading the whole book. --- Those times that I didn't do so hot in my English classes in high school and college are now making a lot more sense ;-)
Infertility and adoption is not a book one can skim through. It can be compared to skimming through one of the great novels like Moby Dick, Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, or The Brothers Karamozov. The details and the suffering and the lesson are not found easily.
One of my favorite bible verses is Romans 5:3-5 which reads,
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope and hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
We have been very transparent about the introduction and beginning chapters of our book but have withheld details about those middle chapters that were full of suffering to reveal a sneak peek of the final pages ending with our happily ever after. If you would, please bear with me to tell the details of those middle chapters, for in the end there is hope and joy.
We've talked about waiting, but I don't think we have gone into the details of what waiting looks like for a domestic adoptive parent.
Beginning on October 29 Derek and I began getting birth mother summaries. These summaries include information that is sensitive and specific to each birth mother. Birth mothers bravely express medical and social details that could be embarrassing or shameful.
Once we receive the summaries we have a time limit to respond whether we want that birth mother to see our profile or not. For example, there could be a birth mother summary in our inbox at 4:00pm and we have to read and pray over the summary and respond by noon the next day.
Every time we said "Yes, show this birth mother our profile" we then had to wait an unknown amount of time to hear an update from our social worker. While we waited, the birth mother was given a stack of profiles in the form of picture books for each family who also said "Yes, show this birth mother our profile". Our wait seemed to be tiresome and unnerving but the choosing process for each birth mother is even more tiresome and unnerving than we could imagine. She had to look through book after book for the family she would place the child growing in her belly with.
I needed an update and I needed an update quickly. Waiting and patience were difficult day in and day out. Derek and I prayed daily for the birth mother looking at our profile and specifically for the one who would one day choose us. As I prayed for her peace and her salvation, I also asked for patience for myself and a softened heart for the pain and suffering and grieving our birth mothers were living through.
Each "No" was both heartbreaking in the knowledge that we were not chosen yet joyful in the knowledge that that birth mother had done the most difficult decision and chosen an adoptive family for her child.
Some weeks we read one summary while some we read four. November came and went, as did December, January, February, and March. My phone could constantly be found in my possession waiting to be updated.
April rolled around and we had seen upwards of 20 summaries. That is 20 mothers Derek and I prayed over, thought about, and hoped to one day meet if not here in Heaven to say Thank You to.
Our fourth anniversary was April 6. The week before we bought fruit plants and an apple tree. When we exchange anniversary gifts we follow the traditional gifts. Year four is fruit. On our way to dinner we received another birth mother summary. We decided to say Yes and to wait again. April 6 was a Wednesday. Monday my phone rang. It was the phone call we had been waiting to receive. It was the phone call that would change our lives forever. It was the phone call that told us we had a son. Our waiting was over, or so we thought. Our hearts were filled with such joy.
We learned that those fruit plants and apple tree were planted on the day our son was born. One of my devotionals during those couple of days of waiting on our son was Deuteronomy 28.
"If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God:
You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.
The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock - the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out."
The Lord has blessed our crop. We still pray daily for our son's birth mother. We still thank the Lord for her bravery and obedience. We wait for the day we stand before a judge and hear that our son is officially a Dupuis. Until that day we rejoice for his life. We rejoice for his birth mother. We rejoice for each "No" we received was only paving the path for this perfect gift we've been given.
