2017 has been a year for the books. Big changes have happened and life is completely different.
Derek learned he was appointed the Track coach at school. Even though he has a love of running, teaching others to do so and to run to win was a horse of a different color. At the end of the season he, in fact, fell in love with the sport and spoke of how he looked forward to the next school year.
Our HW turned one. What a delight. He challenges us constantly. Parenting brings out the best and the worst in me and at the end of the day when he looks at me with those big brown eyes and says "Night Night Mama" and plants the biggest kiss right on my mouth I know I wouldn't want life to be any other way.
We tore apart a giant raised deck in our back yard, reconfigured the patio made of pavers, and had new LVT installed all throughout our home. I felt as if my summer was one big show on HGTV without the six figure budget.
Derek and I prayed and sought wise counsel over becoming foster parents. We then completed an intense 10 week class and are currently in the end stages of becoming licensed foster parents for respite care. Respite care is short term care provided for a myriad of reasons. Being a foster parent and DHR social worker are hard hard jobs and ones that are taken for granted regularly.
Eight weeks ago I got a phone call at 3:30am that something was wrong with my Dad and that he was being taken to the hospital via ambulance. Immediately I dressed and headed to the hospital to end up beating the ambulance there. For the next week doctors and nurses worked to find an answer to what happened to him to bring us to a point of being in an ICU room on machines with good days followed by horrible days. It was excruciating. We didn't sleep. We walked the halls of the hospital at all hours of the day and night. We didn't eat. How can you? One week after being admitted, a neurologist came in after doing a CAT Scan. Dad had had a stroke at some point causing massive damage. Damage that no amount of medicine, therapy, or time could fix. To know my Dad meant to know his humor, his knowledge, his love of outdoors and his grandson. Also to know my Dad meant to know his faults and he had many. He was the most stubborn human being on the face of the planet. The apple does not fall far from the tree. If his mind was set on something, there was no changing it come hell or high water. Despite the faults, he was the most generous person I've ever known. He taught me by example what it means to literally give the shirt off my back and to trust that the Lord will provide. The last thing he did was to load up my old twin bed, bring it to my house, and put it together so that HW could transition to a big boy bed. The last thing he did was not for himself but for others. When that neurologist showed that scan and told us the severity of the situation we were facing we knew it was time. We knew it was time to say goodbye. You see, that was part of his generosity. He gave us time to mourn and grieve by packing ICU6 to the brim with people from all the years to tell stories, jokes, sing, and read scripture together. He waited until Derek could leave school and say goodbye before he breathed his last. He knew we needed to recall the good.
I quit my job as a Montessori toddler assistant to work full time with Mom at our family business. It's not a flashy business but one Dad loved with all of his heart. We run a campground that is beautiful. It is where Derek and I married almost six years ago with Dad and my brother officiating. It was his life. It is my life. I miss my Montessori babies and family but am challenged physically and mentally everyday now and that is very healing.
HW has started a Mom's Day Out two days a week. He has been such a trooper and I know in time he will love school but for now it is yet another transition his little head and heart have to venture though.
In a conversation with friends full of venting struggles and questions about life a sweet friend made an impactful statement: "Right now who you need to foster is yourself and your own heart." She is right. How can I foster a child's broken heart when I haven't done so for my own?
Change is hard but it is necessary. The puzzle of life gets thrown down into a million pieces only to be put back together in a different order sometimes. You always start with the four corners and work your way in. I've found my corners. They are dented and a little discolored and now it is time to put it all back together.
