Friday, December 25, 2015

Joy, unspeakable joy

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!" Psalm 126:5

"Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O Lord, God of hosts" Jeremiah 15:16

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep" Romans 12:15

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice." Philippians 4:4

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" 1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4


And overwhelming where
No tongue can tell


Christmas may not always be merry, but Christmas does always have this sense of joy that cannot come from the circumstances I may find myself in.  

Just like my salvation, I am so thankful my joy is not found in anything I could do or say.  

I am not the first to lose a loved one on Christmas morning.  I am not the first to be hurt by people who attend a church claiming to be Christ followers.  I am not the first to get an email on Christmas Eve that a birth mother has chosen another family.  

Through the hurt, the pain, and the anger, joy always seems to surprise me in the end.  

I am beyond thankful that in the midst of the circumstance, I can say "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!" (Luke 2:14).  

The Lord is the reason for this season we call Christmas and the Lord is the reason for the joy and peace I lean on when the days are dreary.  

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Above all else...

Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.


Ladies, this verse is not just for you.  I have been in the Sunday school classes where girls are urged to guard their heart.
Gentlemen, this verse is for you too.  Your future wife will thank you.  Your children will thank you.

I did not guard my heart very well as a teenager and young adult.  I exposed my vulnerable heart to those undeserving.  After listening to all of those sermons and lessons on purity and guarding my heart, I did not truly listen.

My dear, kind, generous, brilliant, humor filled, loving husband did.  His heart was guarded for so long.  Sure, he let pieces of his heart go to friends and those undeserving of his wonderful heart, we all do.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. - Ephesians 5:25

Even though I do not deserve it, my husband loves me like Christ loves his church.  My husband has given me his guarded heart.  Above all else, my husband has taken my broken and unguarded heart and loved it with all of it's divots, stains, and curves.

So tonight I beg and plead and urge you, single ladies...or engaged ladies...or mothers of girls...guard your heart and teach those girls to guard their heart.  Pour your heart out to the Lord.  His love is greater than any homecoming dance or pretty ring.  The Lord will never disappoint you.

Guys, the same goes for you.  Your heart is the most expensive thing you will ever give to your wife.  Forget those shinny shinny rocks that we women flaunt and coyly happen to conveniently place just so everyone can see it glint and gleam.  Your heart, beloved man, is what makes hers go pitter patter.  The Lord created you wonderful and full of vulnerabilities you will never admit to.  We alone are not worthy of your heart.  Guard it, sirs.  Keep it in tact.  When seeking the woman of your dreams, seek the Lord first.  He will not lead you astray.

Thank you, Love for holding my unguarded heart with the most gentle hands.
Thank you, for leaning on our Lord.
Thank you, leading me toward our Lord.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Process of Prayer


Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always. 

Pray continually.

Give thanks in all circumstances.  

These are what have brought us through our adoption journey. 

We have rejoiced.  We have prayed.  We have given thanks.  
 Our rejoicing has been seen through the deposits into our saving account, completing each set of paperwork, and being passed on to the next stage.  Our rejoicing has also been the rejoicing of those loved ones near to us who have cried, encouraged, and worried right along beside us.  

I've got to be honest, giving thanks in all circumstances has not been the easiest of the three.  When the days are good and the money is flowing in and our counselor releases us to begin Home Study our giving of thanks is abundant.  When the days are long, arguments real, and energy drained the act of giving thanks is difficult and painful yet necessary. 

Finally, we have prayed.  And prayed.  And prayed.  Each and every thank you note we have written has pleaded for our donors to pray.  Our prayers at first were for us, selfishly.  Then we saw a need to pray for our family.  Our families are affected by this adoption just as much as we are.   
There have been days full of great concern and anxiety over our families' acceptance of a child that is not of their bloodline and not of their race and not of their history.  Praying for the ability to show grace when our family does not understand and for softened hearts became another necessary aspect.  

We have prayed unceasingly for our unborn child.  Our prayers have been for the child's health, safety, and relationship with the Lord.  Learning the importance of praying for a baby who sleeps, claiming against a spirit of rejection, and an assurance of our love has been confirmed and reconfirmed time and time again.  

The last, but quite possibly most important, dimension of our prayer life has been focused on our birth mother.  WDD and I had the pleasure of hearing a birth mother speak to a group of adoptive parents.  She emphasized the power of praying over our birth mother.  Each morning when we sit down for breakfast, WDD and I pray over one of the cards pictured above.  Some days it is easy to pray for her.  It is easy to pray for her salvation and her safety.  Some days it is heartbreaking to pray for her.  No matter how many times we pray that she find peace or for her future, I am broken.  Even as I type this, I am broken.  Imagine if you can being a woman or a girl making the most difficult decision of your life to place your child in the hands of an adoptive couple.  Even knowing the peace of God in my own life, I also know the difficulty of experiencing that peace in the most trying times of life.  Then, to know our birth mom will have a future brings such joy and such brokenness to my heart.  I am broken within my fear that she is ashamed at her decision.  I am full of joy to know that her life is not over.  She will have a lifetime of opportunities to share her story, know the love of the Lord, and our gratitude for her.  

When we ask you to pray, we do not take that lightly.  We believe the Lord hears the cries of his people.  We seek to follow God's will for us through rejoicing always, giving thanks in all circumstances, and praying continually.  

Sunday, September 6, 2015

An end always brings another beginning

I have taken quite the sabbatical from blogging but it is now time to lay out my heart.

Summer came to an end in the Doop house and with it came the beginning of a new school year.  In May I would have said that the summer would be full of days spent lazily floating around Logan Martin Lake and reading multiple books, promoting to a Team Leader with Usborne, and finishing up embroidering names on our #quiltedtogether squares.  I also would have said that come August we would be nearing the completion of our Home Study and entering the tedious waiting stage of our adoption.  

My plans are not always His plans and we are now at the beginnings of September and days at the lake are replaced by weekends filled with events like Heart & Hands Orphan Craft Fair because I have not promoted to Team Lead, half marathons with WDD (check out his ramblings of the road here),  Alabama football, and answering a multitude of questions for our Home Study.

There are days I feel like a broken record and it is weary-some.  "No, no baby yet"  "No, we aren't finished with our home study yet"  "Yes, still raising money" "Yes, it does cost quite a bit"  "Yes, I agree.  People who have children naturally should also have to go through counseling"

Then there are days that I am so thankful for that broken record.  No, there isn't a baby yet, but yes, I am able to stand at the start line of my husband's half marathon at 5:00 a.m. in another state.  No, we aren't finished with our home study yet, but we have been able to learn so much about ourselves and receive resources for how to effectively copE+ with a child who may or may not have dependency issues from birth or different attachment skills than us.

I am never ceased from being amazed at the wonders of our God.  Those weary days and wandering and wondering are tiresome while treading through them.  It is in the cries and pleadings of our weariness that our God is made greatest.  (For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:10).  Our suffering and questioning of why WDD was pink slipped and why we had to go through counseling before beginning our Home Study and why some conceive and some not and why my business that I had been pouring myself into wasn't going anywhere did not go unheard or unanswered.

We have begun a new season of loving each other and learning to love the birth mother of our unborn child.  We have been given new and exciting opportunities from WDD getting a job at a high school 5 minutes from home to my Usborne team doubling in two months to new understanding of grace and mercy.

Valleys are promised.  Endings are inevitable.  But beginnings, they are just around the corner.  

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Attachment and Security

I always thought a parent was either attached to their child or not attached.  Same with a child to his/her parent.  Until going through our multiple counseling sessions on the single topic of attachment did I understand so much more about the attachment of people.

When I say multiple sessions, I mean, Derek had one hour long grueling session just to talk about his childhood and the impact his parents made individually and together on him.  Then, I had to endure the same.  THEN, we both had to determine what our attachment was as children to our parents and how it has evolved into the attachment we have today/what our parenting attachment will be.  To say this is mentally and emotionally taxing would be putting things lightly.

Imagine having to pin point every positive and negative attribute of both of your parents then of yourself.  Imagine having to bring up and talk through every negative event which had occurred up to that point.  How did you react?  How did you cope?  How often do you think of that event?  How does it effect your life today?

Does all of this contribute to your attachment style?  Yup.  Sure do.

Your mom has one attachment style.
Your dad has one attachment style.
Your siblings each have their own attachment style.
You have your own attachment style and it is drawn from both of your parents' styles and your own personality.

Remember earlier when I said I thought it was a simple concept.  Yeah, not so simple anymore, is it?!


This is an excellent visual giving you an idea of what every person's attachment style is.  Our counselor told us that out of every adult in the world, only about 20% of them are Secure.  If you took all of the Secure adults, an even smaller percentage adopt.  

Over the past month or so, Derek and I have been forced to bridge incredibly difficult moments and attribute of our lives with the positive outcomes and attribute.  Completing our attachment style sessions was most assuredly in the running for a difficult moment.  

The most astounding thing about this whole attachment business is that we are all completely and utterly broken people.  I know that to be truth just from my beliefs of the Bible, but to see it in writing in a completely secular form, I am humbled yet again.  None of us has it all together, even our Secure friends out there struggle and at any point could vacillate to a different style just from experiencing certain life events.  

How wonderful, and yet utterly terrifying, is it that my brokenness can help heal someone else's brokenness?  My brokenness is used to care for and comfort a child who is also broken but doesn't know it yet.  My brokenness teaches me how to lean on the one who created me.  My brokenness is painful at times but the one who is whole always seems to fill in the gaps   

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Welcome Back Blogger!

For the past year I have been dabbling in the world of paying for my own domain to host all of the updates we have had for our adoption, ventures in cooking, and Derek's races.
There have been things I truly liked about having my own domain but many many more I did not like.  Not having the ability to have comments is the biggest.

I have definitely poured out my heart onto the screen of that page and I can't bare losing all of that material.  -- I hope that one day Baby Doop is able to look back over some of what Derek and I have written and see just how much he/she is loved and wanted.

Please forgive me, but this is just a welcome back for me so here are all of the previous entries made on the domain in one spot.

Aaahhh...it feels so nice to be back.

June 23, 2015

B-Metro has published our story in their July issue.  It was beautifully edited. Beautifully pictured by the fun photographer.  EVERYONE should grab a copy of the magazine!  

We have raised over half of the funds required to complete our adoption.  Honestly, I feel that has been the easiest part of this journey.  Growing up with the Dad that I have, hard work and consistent good work ethic was just part of everyday life. Cutting knee high grass to pay for my very own membership to the local pool and keeping the house or dog pin tidy were typical chores of mine so when it came to the physical aspect of fundraising I felt like it was second nature.  Getting into the nitty gritty of the emotional side has really challenged me to the core.

I am thankful for the listening ears of our Lifeline counselor.  Though each week we attend a counseling session puts us one week away from the Home Study visits, WDD and I are growing in our marriage and we are growing, grieving, and healing individually.  Those moments are what will really count on the day our child will be placed in our arms.  Those moments are what will come to fruition the day our child talks to us about the pain of feeling rejected by his/her birth parents.  
                               
May 26, 2015

Our third anniversary was April 6 and we filed our application for adoption with Lifeline.  Two days later we found out we had been accepted and would then begin to move forward with the adoption process.  Looking back, we had no idea what we were getting into.

Once our application was approved, we met our social worker, Rachel, for our initial interview.  For you future adoptive parents and families out there, this interview is not for the faint of heart.  It was long.  It was in depth.  It covered every possible subject we could think of and then some.  Dear adoptive families, be prepared to openly discuss every aspect of your marriage and childhood - the good, the bad, the super ugly.

After our initial interview we took an online quiz called Prepare/Enrich.  While we were in premarital counseling we took a marriage related quiz with the same system.  Prepare/Enrich identifies the specific strengths and weaknesses within your relationship.

During this process, we had a large online auction fundraiser.  Many many businesses local and far away donated incredible goods to our auction.  In the end, we had 24 items which brought a little more than $1200 which covered the costs for our application ($250) and our initial interview ($875).  If you are looking for fundraiser ideas, this was easy and quite successful.  Our family and friends really came through for us with contacting local businesses or donating original pieces of their own.

We often talk about how God has guided us through each and every step of this process.  The money we have needed has been provided.  Peace with making the initial decisions of what special needs we are comfortable with and how to talk about the possibility of adopting a child with a different race as ours has come when needed.

Making the move to Alabaster from Mobile was a great opportunity for our marriage and our careers.  WDD was employed at a local school system and was forced to step WAY out of his comfort zone for the past two years.  He learned so much from this experience.  He learned he could successfully teach students who are not like him with priorities, ethnic background, and economical background.  He learned he makes a difference in the small everyday things like showing up on time everyday.  Those students who could not rely on their own mom and dad could rely on him and that made a difference.  Those students who had no male guidance in their life to show them how to appropriately dress for a job interview or organize their notes for a college class learned these skills in his classroom without ever directly addressing them.  I have to say, I am very very proud.

This year the school system WDD worked in made the decision to make drastic budget cuts which meant the loss of hundreds of jobs all over the county.  WDD was one of those hundreds.  Again, God had bigger plans.  Our adoption seemed to be stalled.  Our fist home study didn't seem to be able to get scheduled due to calendars and travel.  This could not have been more perfect.

God provided yet again.  A position at the high school 5 miles down the road came available and offered the day WDD interviewed!

We now wait for Friday when we will meet with a set of counselors with Lifeline to discuss the results of the Prepare/Enrich quiz we took.  Our summer will be a busy one.  Physicals.  Background checks.  Paperwork.  Home study visits.

I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. 

                                
March 10, 2015
Barely a month has past since my last post and yet so much has changed.  We are on the brink of having half of the necessary funds to complete the entire adoption.  The quilt is underway but still a long way from complete.  I am on blanket number 5 with orders for 6,7,and 8!! The first decoration for the nursery has been handmade and delivered.  I am selling Usborne Books (d4721.myubam.com) and absolutely loving it. There's also an auction in the works.

Yesterday, WDD received an email from a reporter with al.com and the Birmingham News.  The reporter proceeded to let us know that she had been contacted by a friend of mine talking about how they need to do a story on us and our adoption.  We were shocked that someone outside of our family would take the time and effort to reach out and speak for us.  This afternoon WDD and I got the opportunity to talk to this reporter and tell her the story of "us".

Our story is a long story and a super fun story that goes all the way back to day in the University of Mobile's Learning Center with Fobes, JPoPep, Mindy, Emily, and Megan playing UNO and every now and then doing some actual work.  Those were the days of WDD and I repeating "ew, it's JUST Rebekah" or "ew, it's JUST Derek".

I am so thankful that the way I pictured our story as just friends did not end up that way.  Instead, this afternoon I sat watching, with misty eyes, WDD talk about how he prays for the birth mother of our child as he knits to fill the hat orders he has.  He prays for our child and that we be parents who show Jesus to our child.  He prays that our child and our child's birth mother and birth father know Jesus.

What a great middle chapter to our story.  
                                      
                                                  
​February 1, 2015

January was lovely for the Dupuis family.  We filled orders.  I started on an existing order.  I got strep throat.  WDD started on the first section of his National Board Certification process.  He even got a chance to read a book book!  Lately, it has been only audio for us so to hold a book and finish it is a major accomplishment.  We also both chopped all of our hair off in honor of a dear friend kicking cancer's boo-tay!

There were hard stress-filled days and there were great days, sounds pretty much like every single month, right?? :-)

As I promised with my last post, we have an exciting fundraiser that is kicking off TODAY!

These quarters will be cut into smaller pieces and made into a quilt for Baby Doop. Each fabric piece can be sponsored for a donation of $10 or more.  As a sign of gratitude, your name will be embroidered onto your fabric square.  Oh, I am SO excited about this project!!!  I cannot wait to see the final project and all of the names of those who love our baby as much as we do!

In order to keep track of the names for the quilt, please use the hashtag #quiltedtogether when you submit your donation into our GoFundMe or when mailed to us.  Finally, we know some of you want to stay anonymous in your giving. We still want Baby Doop to know your love for him/her.  Please give us a verse you would like to represent you.


So here we go:
1. Donate $10 or more
2. In the comments of your donation, put #quiltedtogether
3. In the comments of your donation, put what name or verse you would like embroidered on your square

We can't wait to see what is in store for us this month!
                                          

December 31, 2014

The past eight months have had many many high points.  Within eight short months we have raised over $7,000 making up 31% of our adoption goal.  I am dumbfounded by the generosity of people who have never met us let alone those who love us and pour into our lives on a daily basis.  We have had two yard sales, baked a lot, knitted scarves, hats, blankets, and coasters, sold books, had t-shirts made, and conquered the unknown area of craft fairs.  All the while we have shared moments of joy, anticipation, gratefulness, and sorrow with each other and many of you.

Our calendars have been booked solid with events and creating products and frankly, we are tired.  You all probably just thought, "Get ready for that baby! Then you'll be tired!".  You would be completely correct. We still want to have the Doop Dash but have not had the time to devote to creating the race.  There are two different yet equally exciting fundraisers coming very soon.

First, we have had some very generous people donate a condo at the beach for a weekend to be sold at auction.  We have also had an incredibly talented artist offer to take a picture of your choice and turn it into a pencil portrait also to be sold at auction.  These two items and their donors are also very dear to our hearts.  A set date has not been decided for the auction as of today but will be decided and announced very soon.  Should you have a service or item you feel led to donate to our auction, please email us to discuss any details.

Secondly, I posted a picture on Instagram and Facebook of some brightly colored pieces of fabric earlier this week.  As you know, we love to craft.  We have been thinking about ways to incorporate our child's nursery into a fundraiser.  At dinner with two of the greatest girls ever, a friend suggested we make a quilt for Baby Doop, so that's what we are going to do!  We want to make a quilt large enough for our baby to grow with and eventually take to his/her home where he/she will raise our Grandbaby Doops.  We will have 6x6 squares of fabric to be sponsored for a minimum of $10.  Once the quilt is fully assembled, we will embroider each donor's name on the back.  Many many years from now, Baby Doop will come home from a terrible day where she got her first speeding ticket because she drives like Mommy or her boyfriend broke up with her or she didn't get into the graduate school she had been hoping to get into or he fell off his bike and scraped his knee and he will grab a carton of ice cream and curl up into this quilt.  He will be reminded of all of the people who prayed for him, loved her, sacrificed to bring him home.

I am excited about this quilt.  I am excited about wrapping up a tiny baby in a gigantic quilt radiating with love.

Our desire is the same on the bad days of sorrow and no understanding and the "Why not me"s and the on the good days full of joy and laughter and seeing God's ever faithfulness - to follow God's calling to be adoptive parents and to give Him praise through it all.  
                                 
9.20.14

As of today, we have approximately 14% of the total cost for the adoption.  Our bake sale in August was a huge success.  Between our cinnamon rolls, orange rolls, pound cake, and banana bread, we used 14lbs of flour and about 10lbs of sugar along with many many other ingredients!

We will have another bake sale in November for Thanksgiving side dishes.  I am known for my cornbread dressing and WDD has his dad's peanut butter pie!  This should be loads of fun and full of deliciousness.

The first Doop Dash is in the making as well.  With WDD being such an avid runner, the obvious large fundraiser was to host a race.  Please join us in prayer that we find the most affordable location, donations for food, donations for door prizes, and time keeper.  
                                     
​Our journey to adoption began many years ago before WDD and I even knew each other.  Most girls dream of what their future family will look like.  Mine looked very similar to a rainbow with children from different cultures surrounding me with big smiles.  WDD's dream was one with a wife and children with his nose, hair, and impeccable since of style and wit.  
Years past and my body never seemed to have regular cycles or moods.  After many questions and frustrations, we learned that, no I am not crazy but no I do not ovulate due to my eggs forming cysts instead of continuing the normal cycle.  Could we have biological children? Yes.  Would it take means that are none too romantic? Yes.  Would we be guaranteed a child? No.  We have many friends who have experienced problems with infertility of all kinds.  Our heart breaks for them.  Our prayers for comfort and understanding go out to them.  
God has placed a calling for adoption on our lives.  Could God work a miracle and give us biological children? Yes.  Will that take away the calling of adoption? No.  We believe that God is the first adoptive parent.  He has taken us into his family and loves us as his own.  
Currently, we are in the fund raising stage.  It costs a great deal to adopt a child.  Per Alabama law, as a married couple, we cannot file adoption papers until we have been married 3 years which is April 2015 for us.  Sadly, money talks.  We want to be prepared financially for each step of this process which is why we are intentionally adding to our fund.