Attachment and Security

I always thought a parent was either attached to their child or not attached.  Same with a child to his/her parent.  Until going through our multiple counseling sessions on the single topic of attachment did I understand so much more about the attachment of people.

When I say multiple sessions, I mean, Derek had one hour long grueling session just to talk about his childhood and the impact his parents made individually and together on him.  Then, I had to endure the same.  THEN, we both had to determine what our attachment was as children to our parents and how it has evolved into the attachment we have today/what our parenting attachment will be.  To say this is mentally and emotionally taxing would be putting things lightly.

Imagine having to pin point every positive and negative attribute of both of your parents then of yourself.  Imagine having to bring up and talk through every negative event which had occurred up to that point.  How did you react?  How did you cope?  How often do you think of that event?  How does it effect your life today?

Does all of this contribute to your attachment style?  Yup.  Sure do.

Your mom has one attachment style.
Your dad has one attachment style.
Your siblings each have their own attachment style.
You have your own attachment style and it is drawn from both of your parents' styles and your own personality.

Remember earlier when I said I thought it was a simple concept.  Yeah, not so simple anymore, is it?!

This is an excellent visual giving you an idea of what every person's attachment style is.  Our counselor told us that out of every adult in the world, only about 20% of them are Secure.  If you took all of the Secure adults, an even smaller percentage adopt.  

Over the past month or so, Derek and I have been forced to bridge incredibly difficult moments and attribute of our lives with the positive outcomes and attribute.  Completing our attachment style sessions was most assuredly in the running for a difficult moment.  

The most astounding thing about this whole attachment business is that we are all completely and utterly broken people.  I know that to be truth just from my beliefs of the Bible, but to see it in writing in a completely secular form, I am humbled yet again.  None of us has it all together, even our Secure friends out there struggle and at any point could vacillate to a different style just from experiencing certain life events.  

How wonderful, and yet utterly terrifying, is it that my brokenness can help heal someone else's brokenness?  My brokenness is used to care for and comfort a child who is also broken but doesn't know it yet.  My brokenness teaches me how to lean on the one who created me.  My brokenness is painful at times but the one who is whole always seems to fill in the gaps