***The names have not been changed to protect the innocent. There are none innocent.***
It has been seventeen years yet I can still see the sights and smell the smells.
The sanctuary looks bare. An empty tree stands tall and fluffed in the corner of the stage. Glimpses of the brightest red and deepest greens can be seen speckled across the pews.
Fresh evergreen cuttings and a hint of cinnamon are in the air before the waft of mixed colognes and perfumes overtake its gentle aroma.
Dad stands and greets the crowd. The excitement of the day is palpable. This was his most favorite of Sundays - the Greening Service.
First, the candles are lit and tree is lit. We read the scripture of the light that led the way. Then the garland is placed - in windows, over pews, draped over the balcony. Green everywhere. Like the new birth of the greens, we read of the new birth of Christ. Next, we bring our gifts like the magi. As the congregation brings gifts for the Lottie Moon offering they are given in return delicately handmade Chrismon ornaments to decorate the bare tree with. Finally, the piece de resistance - the fire red poinsettias make their appearance. They are placed in memory and honor of loved ones, but really they are pointing us to salvation. Christ carried a cross like the wooden stem and bled fierce red blood like the blooms. The real beauty, however, is the center. The golden crown shining like the one Christ is wearing now as he triumphs over death reminds us of the promises of salvation for his people.
We all sing "Joy to the World" with gusto and leave joyfully.
Until.
The church is basically empty and I hear shouting - raised voices. One I know well, my Dad's. I turn and bursting from the back sanctuary door and down the stairs is my Dad being pushed and shoved by Terry and Tommy with poor old Alton tagging along. I watch them grab my Dad's arms and proceed to ambush him up two flights of stairs to his office. Closely behind are my dad's two best friends, Rick and David; Wesley, our youth pastor's husband; and my brother David. Shouting can be heard through the floor and my brother is soon escorted back into the nursery where the families of our friends and staff are gathered.
The afternoon goes by in a blur until the staff children are sent away to the home of Wesley's parents out of fear that physical harm would come to my Dad and the church staff. That night the entire staff resigned and no one attempted to protect us.
It is amazing how quickly my most fond memory of Christmas in the form of a Greening Service can become my worst nightmare and what would bring me to a hate of Christmas and the church for years to come.
****************************************************
This is a difficult, yet necessary piece of my story to tell. One of many. Each year on the first Sunday in December these memories come flooding back. The symbolic beauty of the coming of Christ displayed among each other was turned into deep rooted hurt.
If you see any of us during this precious season and we are not exuding the glow of Christmas, know there is a piece of us missing in the physical form of my Dad but also in the spirit where we have seen the evilest of evil first hand. This is a joyous time; please help us remember that.
Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts
Saturday, November 30, 2019
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
The End of the Book
A wise woman once told me that "there is a perfect plan already set out. We just don't know what it is. Haven't read the end of the book"
Ironically, that same woman's favorite Bible verse is:
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up on wings as eagles;
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
I admit that there have been times that I read the end of the book before I read the middle. I also readily admit that I have read the Cliffs Notes and watched the movie instead of reading the whole book. --- Those times that I didn't do so hot in my English classes in high school and college are now making a lot more sense ;-)
Infertility and adoption is not a book one can skim through. It can be compared to skimming through one of the great novels like Moby Dick, Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, or The Brothers Karamozov. The details and the suffering and the lesson are not found easily.
One of my favorite bible verses is Romans 5:3-5 which reads,
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope and hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
We have been very transparent about the introduction and beginning chapters of our book but have withheld details about those middle chapters that were full of suffering to reveal a sneak peek of the final pages ending with our happily ever after. If you would, please bear with me to tell the details of those middle chapters, for in the end there is hope and joy.
We've talked about waiting, but I don't think we have gone into the details of what waiting looks like for a domestic adoptive parent.
Beginning on October 29 Derek and I began getting birth mother summaries. These summaries include information that is sensitive and specific to each birth mother. Birth mothers bravely express medical and social details that could be embarrassing or shameful.
Once we receive the summaries we have a time limit to respond whether we want that birth mother to see our profile or not. For example, there could be a birth mother summary in our inbox at 4:00pm and we have to read and pray over the summary and respond by noon the next day.
Every time we said "Yes, show this birth mother our profile" we then had to wait an unknown amount of time to hear an update from our social worker. While we waited, the birth mother was given a stack of profiles in the form of picture books for each family who also said "Yes, show this birth mother our profile". Our wait seemed to be tiresome and unnerving but the choosing process for each birth mother is even more tiresome and unnerving than we could imagine. She had to look through book after book for the family she would place the child growing in her belly with.
I needed an update and I needed an update quickly. Waiting and patience were difficult day in and day out. Derek and I prayed daily for the birth mother looking at our profile and specifically for the one who would one day choose us. As I prayed for her peace and her salvation, I also asked for patience for myself and a softened heart for the pain and suffering and grieving our birth mothers were living through.
Each "No" was both heartbreaking in the knowledge that we were not chosen yet joyful in the knowledge that that birth mother had done the most difficult decision and chosen an adoptive family for her child.
Some weeks we read one summary while some we read four. November came and went, as did December, January, February, and March. My phone could constantly be found in my possession waiting to be updated.
April rolled around and we had seen upwards of 20 summaries. That is 20 mothers Derek and I prayed over, thought about, and hoped to one day meet if not here in Heaven to say Thank You to.
Our fourth anniversary was April 6. The week before we bought fruit plants and an apple tree. When we exchange anniversary gifts we follow the traditional gifts. Year four is fruit. On our way to dinner we received another birth mother summary. We decided to say Yes and to wait again. April 6 was a Wednesday. Monday my phone rang. It was the phone call we had been waiting to receive. It was the phone call that would change our lives forever. It was the phone call that told us we had a son. Our waiting was over, or so we thought. Our hearts were filled with such joy.
We learned that those fruit plants and apple tree were planted on the day our son was born. One of my devotionals during those couple of days of waiting on our son was Deuteronomy 28.
"If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God:
You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.
The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock - the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out."
The Lord has blessed our crop. We still pray daily for our son's birth mother. We still thank the Lord for her bravery and obedience. We wait for the day we stand before a judge and hear that our son is officially a Dupuis. Until that day we rejoice for his life. We rejoice for his birth mother. We rejoice for each "No" we received was only paving the path for this perfect gift we've been given.
Ironically, that same woman's favorite Bible verse is:
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up on wings as eagles;
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
I admit that there have been times that I read the end of the book before I read the middle. I also readily admit that I have read the Cliffs Notes and watched the movie instead of reading the whole book. --- Those times that I didn't do so hot in my English classes in high school and college are now making a lot more sense ;-)
Infertility and adoption is not a book one can skim through. It can be compared to skimming through one of the great novels like Moby Dick, Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, or The Brothers Karamozov. The details and the suffering and the lesson are not found easily.
One of my favorite bible verses is Romans 5:3-5 which reads,
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope and hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
We have been very transparent about the introduction and beginning chapters of our book but have withheld details about those middle chapters that were full of suffering to reveal a sneak peek of the final pages ending with our happily ever after. If you would, please bear with me to tell the details of those middle chapters, for in the end there is hope and joy.
We've talked about waiting, but I don't think we have gone into the details of what waiting looks like for a domestic adoptive parent.
Beginning on October 29 Derek and I began getting birth mother summaries. These summaries include information that is sensitive and specific to each birth mother. Birth mothers bravely express medical and social details that could be embarrassing or shameful.
Once we receive the summaries we have a time limit to respond whether we want that birth mother to see our profile or not. For example, there could be a birth mother summary in our inbox at 4:00pm and we have to read and pray over the summary and respond by noon the next day.
Every time we said "Yes, show this birth mother our profile" we then had to wait an unknown amount of time to hear an update from our social worker. While we waited, the birth mother was given a stack of profiles in the form of picture books for each family who also said "Yes, show this birth mother our profile". Our wait seemed to be tiresome and unnerving but the choosing process for each birth mother is even more tiresome and unnerving than we could imagine. She had to look through book after book for the family she would place the child growing in her belly with.
I needed an update and I needed an update quickly. Waiting and patience were difficult day in and day out. Derek and I prayed daily for the birth mother looking at our profile and specifically for the one who would one day choose us. As I prayed for her peace and her salvation, I also asked for patience for myself and a softened heart for the pain and suffering and grieving our birth mothers were living through.
Each "No" was both heartbreaking in the knowledge that we were not chosen yet joyful in the knowledge that that birth mother had done the most difficult decision and chosen an adoptive family for her child.
Some weeks we read one summary while some we read four. November came and went, as did December, January, February, and March. My phone could constantly be found in my possession waiting to be updated.
April rolled around and we had seen upwards of 20 summaries. That is 20 mothers Derek and I prayed over, thought about, and hoped to one day meet if not here in Heaven to say Thank You to.
Our fourth anniversary was April 6. The week before we bought fruit plants and an apple tree. When we exchange anniversary gifts we follow the traditional gifts. Year four is fruit. On our way to dinner we received another birth mother summary. We decided to say Yes and to wait again. April 6 was a Wednesday. Monday my phone rang. It was the phone call we had been waiting to receive. It was the phone call that would change our lives forever. It was the phone call that told us we had a son. Our waiting was over, or so we thought. Our hearts were filled with such joy.
We learned that those fruit plants and apple tree were planted on the day our son was born. One of my devotionals during those couple of days of waiting on our son was Deuteronomy 28.
"If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God:
You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.
The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock - the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out."
The Lord has blessed our crop. We still pray daily for our son's birth mother. We still thank the Lord for her bravery and obedience. We wait for the day we stand before a judge and hear that our son is officially a Dupuis. Until that day we rejoice for his life. We rejoice for his birth mother. We rejoice for each "No" we received was only paving the path for this perfect gift we've been given.
Friday, December 25, 2015
Joy, unspeakable joy
"Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!" Psalm 126:5
"Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O Lord, God of hosts" Jeremiah 15:16
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep" Romans 12:15
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice." Philippians 4:4
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" 1 Thessalonians 5:18
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4
And overwhelming where
No tongue can tell
Christmas may not always be merry, but Christmas does always have this sense of joy that cannot come from the circumstances I may find myself in.
Just like my salvation, I am so thankful my joy is not found in anything I could do or say.
I am not the first to lose a loved one on Christmas morning. I am not the first to be hurt by people who attend a church claiming to be Christ followers. I am not the first to get an email on Christmas Eve that a birth mother has chosen another family.
Through the hurt, the pain, and the anger, joy always seems to surprise me in the end.
I am beyond thankful that in the midst of the circumstance, I can say "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!" (Luke 2:14).
The Lord is the reason for this season we call Christmas and the Lord is the reason for the joy and peace I lean on when the days are dreary.
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