I need you

It is only fitting that the song playing in the background at this very moment is "Lord, I Need You" by Matt Maher.

And where you are

Lord, I am free

Holiness

Is Christ in me

I need you

Oh I need you

Every hour I need you

My one defense

My righteousness

Oh God, how I need you

When I cannot stand

I'll fall on you

Jesus you're my hope and stay

Mmmm, what rich rich words about promises fulfilled by our Lord.


Anybody can attest to the truth of life changing on a dime with something as simple as a phone call.  Ours did with the call that we had been chosen to be parents then again with the call that Derek had been pink slipped not once but twice and finally with a 3:30am call from my mom.

I knew the day would come that my phone would ring and someone would be on the other end telling me my dad had had a heart attack or a stroke.  I knew it, but I feared it all the same.  When that 3:30am call did come, I went on autopilot for the next ten days until his last breath was breathed.

We are now 49 days shy of one year since that final good-bye.  One of the hardest things has been to keep going.  Our life doesn't stop because his did.  Business doesn't slow down.  School doesn't stop.  Babies don't stop having birthdays.  Life continues no matter how dreary the days are or how hard Satan tries to steal your joy and your thoughts.  The best part about life continuing is that so does the Lord.  Praise God, good-bye for us was Welcome My Child for my dad.  He met his Lord face to face and I can hear his deep bass voice singing Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah even now.  Here on this dirty earth I can rest easy in, as Peter says in 1 Peter 1:4, that "inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade." for when I cannot stand, I can fall on this.

Derek and I were at the very end of a grueling 10 week class to become foster parents when all of this happened.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt Dad was our biggest supporter in this endeavor, so we knew we had to endure and complete the task set before us of becoming foster parents.

Grief then set in in such a way that there were days I could not physically get out of bed.  I could not care for myself, let alone my family or a child in desperate need of stability.  Thank the Lord again for his hope and stay and placing a wonderful counselor in my life to help me through this grief.  Do not get me wrong, there are days that are more difficult that I could have ever imagined, but the Lord is good and carries me through.

We also knew Dad would not want us to stand by and forgo our desire to adopt again.  He bent heaven and earth to help fund our first adoption.  After some conversations, we decided to begin pursuing our second adoption before finalizing our DHR licensure.  This was a difficult decision because somehow we felt like we were leaving God's calling on our life to go down another road, but again, the Lord is good.  He has given us a peace and paved a road for this adoption that could only be done by His mighty hand.

The cost is a little less, but not by much.  We will again be needing to fund an almost $30,000 adoption.  We will also be using the same agency, Lifeline Children's Services.  This agency is who our first adoption was with and our foster care classes.  They love the Lord and have a primary responsibility to birth mothers/families.  They share the gospel without hesitation or shame.  They live out going to your neighbor and showing the love of Christ.  This is why we have chosen to continue to grow our family with them.

Our fundraising for round 1 was extensive.  Though we will fundraise, we believe it will look drastically different.  Be on the lookout for what the Lord is orchestrating.

The End of the Book

A wise woman once told me that "there is a perfect plan already set out.  We just don't know what it is.  Haven't read the end of the book"

Ironically, that same woman's favorite Bible verse is:

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up on wings as eagles;
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint. 
Isaiah 40:31

I admit that there have been times that I read the end of the book before I read the middle.  I also readily admit that I have read the Cliffs Notes and watched the movie instead of reading the whole book.  --- Those times that I didn't do so hot in my English classes in high school and college are now making a lot more sense ;-) 

Infertility and adoption is not a book one can skim through.  It can be compared to skimming through one of the great novels like Moby Dick, Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, or The Brothers Karamozov.  The details and the suffering and the lesson are not found easily.  

One of my favorite bible verses is Romans 5:3-5 which reads, 
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope and hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured  out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.  

We have been very transparent about the introduction and beginning chapters of our book but have withheld details about those middle chapters that were full of suffering to reveal a sneak peek of the final pages ending with our happily ever after.  If you would, please bear with me to tell the details of those middle chapters, for in the end there is hope and joy.  

We've talked about waiting, but I don't think we have gone into the details of what waiting looks like for a domestic adoptive parent.  

Beginning on October 29 Derek and I began getting birth mother summaries. These summaries include information that is sensitive and specific to each birth mother.  Birth mothers bravely express medical and social details that could be embarrassing or shameful.  

Once we receive the summaries we have a time limit to respond whether we want that birth mother to see our profile or not.  For example, there could be a birth mother summary in our inbox at 4:00pm and we have to read and pray over the summary and respond by noon the next day.  

Every time we said "Yes, show this birth mother our profile" we then had to wait an unknown amount of time to hear an update from our social worker.  While we waited, the birth mother was given a stack of profiles in the form of picture books for each family who also said "Yes, show this birth mother our profile". Our wait seemed to be tiresome and unnerving but the choosing process for each birth mother is even more tiresome and unnerving than we could imagine.  She had to look through book after book for the family she would place the child growing in her belly with.  

I needed an update and I needed an update quickly.  Waiting and patience were difficult day in and day out.  Derek and I prayed daily for the birth mother looking at our profile and specifically for the one who would one day choose us.  As I prayed for her peace and her salvation, I also asked for patience for myself and a softened heart for the pain and suffering and grieving our birth mothers were living through.  

Each "No" was both heartbreaking in the knowledge that we were not chosen yet joyful in the knowledge that that birth mother had done the most difficult decision and chosen an adoptive family for her child.  

Some weeks we read one summary while some we read four.  November came and went, as did December, January, February, and March.  My phone could constantly be found in my possession waiting to be updated.  

April rolled around and we had seen upwards of 20 summaries.  That is 20 mothers Derek and I prayed over, thought about, and hoped to one day meet if not here in Heaven to say Thank You to.  

Our fourth anniversary was April 6.  The week before we bought fruit plants and an apple tree.  When we exchange anniversary gifts we follow the traditional gifts.  Year four is fruit.  On our way to dinner we received another birth mother summary.  We decided to say Yes and to wait again.  April 6 was a Wednesday.  Monday my phone rang.  It was the phone call we had been waiting to receive.  It was the phone call that would change our lives forever.  It was the phone call that told us we had a son.  Our waiting was over, or so we thought.  Our hearts were filled with such joy.  

We learned that those fruit plants and apple tree were planted on the day our son was born.  One of my devotionals during those couple of days of waiting on our son was Deuteronomy 28.  
"If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth.  All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God: 
You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. 
The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock - the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks. 
Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed. 
You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out." 

The Lord has blessed our crop.  We still pray daily for our son's birth mother.  We still thank the Lord for her bravery and obedience.  We wait for the day we stand before a judge and hear that our son is officially a Dupuis.  Until that day we rejoice for his life.  We rejoice for his birth mother.  We rejoice for each "No" we received was only paving the path for this perfect gift we've been given.  

Process of Prayer

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always. 

Pray continually.

Give thanks in all circumstances.  

These are what have brought us through our adoption journey. 

We have rejoiced.  We have prayed.  We have given thanks.  

 Our rejoicing has been seen through the deposits into our saving account, completing each set of paperwork, and being passed on to the next stage.  Our rejoicing has also been the rejoicing of those loved ones near to us who have cried, encouraged, and worried right along beside us.  

I've got to be honest, giving thanks in all circumstances has not been the easiest of the three.  When the days are good and the money is flowing in and our counselor releases us to begin Home Study our giving of thanks is abundant.  When the days are long, arguments real, and energy drained the act of giving thanks is difficult and painful yet necessary. 

Finally, we have prayed.  And prayed.  And prayed.  Each and every thank you note we have written has pleaded for our donors to pray.  Our prayers at first were for us, selfishly.  Then we saw a need to pray for our family.  Our families are affected by this adoption just as much as we are.   

 

There have been days full of great concern and anxiety over our families' acceptance of a child that is not of their bloodline and not of their race and not of their history.  Praying for the ability to show grace when our family does not understand and for softened hearts became another necessary aspect.  

We have prayed unceasingly for our unborn child.  Our prayers have been for the child's health, safety, and relationship with the Lord.  Learning the importance of praying for a baby who sleeps, claiming against a spirit of rejection, and an assurance of our love has been confirmed and reconfirmed time and time again.  

The last, but quite possibly most important, dimension of our prayer life has been focused on our birth mother.  WDD and I had the pleasure of hearing a birth mother speak to a group of adoptive parents.  She emphasized the power of praying over our birth mother.  Each morning when we sit down for breakfast, WDD and I pray over one of the cards pictured above.  Some days it is easy to pray for her.  It is easy to pray for her salvation and her safety.  Some days it is heartbreaking to pray for her.  No matter how many times we pray that she find peace or for her future, I am broken.  Even as I type this, I am broken.  Imagine if you can being a woman or a girl making the most difficult decision of your life to place your child in the hands of an adoptive couple.  Even knowing the peace of God in my own life, I also know the difficulty of experiencing that peace in the most trying times of life.  Then, to know our birth mom will have a future brings such joy and such brokenness to my heart.  I am broken within my fear that she is ashamed at her decision.  I am full of joy to know that her life is not over.  She will have a lifetime of opportunities to share her story, know the love of the Lord, and our gratitude for her.  

When we ask you to pray, we do not take that lightly.  We believe the Lord hears the cries of his people.  We seek to follow God's will for us through rejoicing always, giving thanks in all circumstances, and praying continually.